Greetings to my fellow survivors of the long, dormant abyss known as the college football offseason. I can feel your excitement for the new season because I can understand the frustrations and concerns you’ve struggled through…what we’ve all struggled through, together, over the past seven long months, since the glorious sights and sounds of collegiate-level amateur** football graced the front screens on our television sets and the fullness of our subconscious brain activity.

So excuse us, you unwashed, heathen non-believers of college football, if you can’t comprehend why we’re so excited for the return of our favorite pasttime. Sure, to you, college football is just another dangerous, corrupt sport that eats up our fall weekend productivity and leaves most of us angry, broke, emotionally drained, and/or drunk, spending our Saturdays irrationally yelling at 19-year-old college males who cannot hear our incoherent ramblings and do not care about us or how much money we claim to gave to our alma mater so we can watch him drop that TD pass.

To us, college football is far more than that. Our college football fandom is an investment, a religion, a social identity, an escape, and a much-needed distraction from our real-world problems, all wrapped into one. In these ever-changing and trying times, college football is that warm, familiar security blanket we so desperately cling to when the world outside gets cold and scary. College football still reigns supreme because it remains our beloved, (mostly) unchanging, and constant force that propels forward our collective well-being. We desperately need a strong, stabilizing force in our lives right now, as well as a unifying message that we can all rally behind (i.e. everyone hates Urban Meyer, RPOs are ruining college football, kickers aren’t really people; why has no politician adopted any of these as their

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